WTF! WHY ALL THE STRUGGLE, GOD?
Image credit: http://ddutch.tumblr.com
Are you an artist? Are you one of those who has taken the road less travelled? Are you searching for something better?
I've been searching, seeking, observing and living my truth but there are days when I get frustrated and fall into the self-doubt trap. These voices in my head can be strong! So some days I just have to say WTF! I don’t get it. I’ve taken the road less travelled and believed that there is more to life than being stuck in some dead end job, where you work to live, instead of live to love. Ever since I was young, I didn’t agree with falling into the societal trap. Instead, I searched, I sought and I travelled far and wide to find a better way. I’ve experienced more lifetimes in this one, then most experience in many. I’ve been to the highest high and then to the lowest low. I’ve had all my shit fall apart, only to get it back together again, only to have it fall apart once more. I’m kind, I’m generous, I’m creative and most of all, I'm a free spirit.
Yet in return, it seems all that I get is one more brick wall, over and over again and my inner frustration will no longer remain contained. It wants to burst out and destroy something. It wants to punch the walls in anger at You. Yes, you – God. I mean WTF! I’ve followed your way, I’ve been true, honest and giving and where am I? Struggling to make rent, in debt and barely making any book sales. I tell myself OK, get rid of the negative self talk. Stop creating more frustration, so I pick myself up again and try again, only to be knocked down again and again and again...
Foolishly, I give up and try to get back into the game, back to the corporate monotony, but it just isn’t me and I lose a piece of myself. I wonder why artists have to suffer so much. Why are only a few of us are heard? Why is our voice deafened by the world’s silence to respond? Why does the world care more about superficial marketing, than looking, finding, observing and seeing what and who is real. Spirituality has become but a marketing game where only the coolest and the ones who claim to have reached Atman, seem to win.
Well, I’m not particularly cool, I don’t preach endlessly that my way is the Way and I don’t offer you a magic secret. What I do offer, is a sincere story of finding Self, in a world where self is idolized instead. I’m tired of the struggle. I've slammed my computer shut and given up.
Finally, from somewhere deep within, a voice came to gather me out from my depression and misery. Softly it said, “Trust, trust that I’m working for your highest good, to give you everything you desire. But I need your help too. I need you not to listen to the voice of darkness, for if you listen to that voice, you drown out the light. So trust, trust that everything is absolutely as it should be and is OK and will be OK.
